Path: christian Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian From: "Gavin Chin" Subject: Homosexual to heterosexual conversions: A summary Approved: christian@aramis.rutgers.edu [I'm generally rejecting postings on this subject, as I regard it closed. However this summary adds enough new information (and balanced enough) that I thought it was worth posting. I don't plan to accept replies. --clh] Last week, I asked people to share their experiences of any homosexual to heterosexual conversions. I have posted some of these to share with everyone else. Due to the sensitive nature of the subject, I have kept some names "anonymous" at the request of the posters. ---- Begin summary ---- n2473@aspen.cray.com says: I am a gay man who was at one time in a church where I renounced my "homosexuality" and worked and prayed and worked and prayed to make myself straight. But it never happened. I don't think that you will find anybody who personally has succeeded at reorientation through prayer. You might hear stories, but I challenge you to find the individuals themselves and talk to them. They're not out there. And if you do find one, I'd like to talk to them. I will assume they are lying until they prove themselves otherwise. The only reoriented man I ever heard of was arrested for soliciting a male prostitute. Suddenly he was never heard from again. There is way too much blood in the form of gay/lesbian suicides on the hands of religious leaders who insist that homosexuality is a chosen lifestyle. Too many people have killed themselves because the people who should have been helping them instead completely and willfully misunderstood them. Worse, they are determined to misunderstand gays and lesbians, and so they will continue be tainted with their desperate suicide blood. -------------------------------------------------------------- jtyrkko@vipunen.hut.fi says: I do not have first-hand experiences, but I have met Erik Ewalds, one of the most famous Christian writers in Scandinavia, experienced in handling psychic problems caused by spiritual misalignments. If I understood right, he has witnessed homosexual people returning to heterosexuality through spiritual therapy. (I do not know if "returning" is the correct word, as with some of these people the base of their homosexuality was set in their childhood, before their sexuality became manifest.) I do not know what kind of reasons there may be homosexuality, but it seems that at least in some cases a change is possible and natural. ---------------------------------------------------- Lauren_Senders@admail.fnal.gov says: Yes, several. They repented of their "lifestyle." You see, homosexuality is dangerous to the Church because its not only a sinful act, but it is a lifestyle, a worldview. They (collectively) put forth themself as an underprivileged minority, at least here in the lower 48. Those who enspose Christianity, seek acceptance as Christians who live in the homosexual lifestyle. There is a difference of coming to Christ as savior of your sins, then working out your sanctification, and this idea that we can come to Christ and continue to live as *we* deem fit. It doesn't wash. Those that I know who have been saved, most of them have died of AIDS because most of the homosexuals that I know are in the hospital. -------------------------------------------------------------------- FREE2286@vmd.cso.uiuc.edu says: I know of a case (first-hand) of a homosexual who after coming to the Lord went "straight". I'm not a liberty to share the details at this time. I'll see if I can get "permission" top do so. There are 2 books on this subject which you might like to read. "Homosexuality and Hope" by Dr. Aardweg, published by Servants, Ann Arbor 1983 (date?) and "On the Origins and Treatment of Homosexuality" again by Dr. Aardweg, Praeger (sp?)place ?, date 1989. The first book is a "popular" account and the second one is a scholary account of the same material. In the first book he relates 2 or 3 stores of homosexuals having religious conversions then becoming hetreosexuals. These are the results of the person's conversion eliminating the underlining causes of homosexuality. The causes would that too long to explain at this point. I can say that the message of the first book is appliable to many areas and it shows how much of the "advice" in the NT (ie rejoice alway, think of others before yourself, don't grumble or complain, etc.) makes good ----------------------------------------------------- shimeall@cs.nps.navy.mil says: Yes, I know such a person, FIRST-HAND (any requests for that person's identity may be routed to /dev/null). And I have a citation for several other such cases (explore the literature on Christian work with homosexuals and you will find many cited cases). It is a _very_ difficult process, facing how deeply sin has affected one's life and attitudes, seeking the "way of escape" provided by God the Father, and carrying through by the power of the Holy Spirit. It becomes particularly difficult when faced by the clamoring of the world that such a work is impossible and when faced by claims of many who profess to be Christian that God desires homosexuals to remain homosexual. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Anonymous says: A member of the home group I went to last year runs a ministry to homosexuals. In the four years this has been running they have had over 330 people come for help. There have been *no* people `cured' of homosexuality in that time. ----- End summary ----- Well those are the responses that I was able to share with you. I will leave the conclusion up to you. Thanks to everyone for responding to my original message. This issue is a very complex and sensitive issue that must be handled with lots of love and compassion. My eyes have been opened (a lot more than I wanted, I'll admit.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Gavin Chin, Undergrad Student | Faculty of Commerce | I'm probably at work and University of British Columbia | should not be sending email. email: GAVIN@lans.commerce.ubc.ca | --------------------------------------------------------------------- There's no such thing as a .signature virus, pass it on! Path: igor.rutgers.edu!rutgers!gatech!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!spool.mu.edu!sgiblab!rtech!amdahl!amdahl!nobody From: rich.bellacera@amail.amdahl.com Newsgroups: talk.religion.misc Subject: "Ex-Gay"? (was: HOMOSEXUALITY Fact & Fiction) Message-ID: Date: 15 Apr 93 01:57:14 GMT Sender: unknown@uts.amdahl.com Lines: 152 Return-Path: Tony- While I honestly believe you believe you are doing a "good thing" by posting that piece of propaganda, I believe the more people believe that the more they will feel justified in their blatant persecution of gay oriented people. I have seen the film called "The Gay Agenda" and along with my church we found it to be horrifying. Not because of what was actually shown (cleaver use of editting can create any image one wants to portray), rather becaseu we are familia familiar with how widely it was actively distributed and how many naive people are actually believing the garbage found within it. The truth is that neither you nor I can fully speak for anyone who calls themself gay, but knowing as many as I do and knowing their testimonies and witnessing thier faith and life I have to say that the report you posted is a very biased report, something obviously claimed against gays as well. The truth is that unless YOU are innately gay you cannot know what harm you are causing. I speak as an abolitionist who supports affirming gay rights in our society. I do not support wild sex or any other misrepresentations perpetrated by Christian Fundamentalist extremists, but I know people who are not the sexual deviants your report paints them to be. It is no mistake that the APA removed homosexuality from it's list of mental illnesses, it is also no mistake that there are many Christians and homophobes who long to bring it back to the list. I do not feel threatened by gays, I don't understand why others are. The following is an article concerning two of the more popular ex-gay min- istries: Exodus International & Homosexuals Anonymous. THE FOUNDER OF AN "EX-GAY" SUPPORT GROUP CHOOSES HOMO OVER HETERO by Robert Pela (from Gay oriented magazine ADVOCATE) In December 1985, David Caligiuri received one of The Advocate's homophobia rewaa awards: the A Prayer A Day Keeps the Lust Away citation. As director of FREE INDEED, a national ex-gay ministry, Caligiuri was singled out for offering discontented gays and lesbians "a way out of the homosexual death-style" through prayer. "I'd like to give the award back," Caligiuri now laughs, "I'm no longer deserve it." Caligiuri's eight year involvement with the national "ex-gay" movement peaked with his founding of the Phoenix chapter of Homosexuals Anonymous (HA) as well as Free Indeed. He has since abandoned his pulpit and now says that the ex- gay movement is a fruitless effort based on deception. "There's no reality in it," he says, "I was selling a product, and my product was a lie." Headed up by national ministries like Exodus International and Courage, the organizations of the ex-gay movement rely on the tenents of born-again Christianity to convince disatisfied homosexuals -- usually young gay men who are just coming out -- that they can shed their sexuality by suppressing their sexual urges and embracing Christianity. "We offer support to people who are seeking to leave the sin of homosexuality," explains Bob Davies, director of Exodus. He ventures that "about 80% of those seeking to abandon their homo- sexuality are men." "Anybody who is involved in the ex-gay ministry is misguided and is wasting their time," says Lisa Seeley, a former "redeemed lesbian" who worked with Caligiuri as HA and appeared with him on the Sally Jessy Raphael show. "These organizations are for people who are spiritually and emotionally wounded." "It's possible to change your identity or your behavior," says sex educator Brian McNaught, author of _On Being Gay_. "But it's really impossible to change your orientation. These people are no longer calling themselves gay, but they continue to have same-sex erotic feelings." Caligiuri says he founded Free Indeed after an ominous week in 1981 when all hell broke loose in his personal life. A few days after his lover ended both their romance and their business partnership, Caligiuri was sexually assaulted by a man he picked up in a bar. "I was really drunk," he recalls, "and I went home with this guy. He tied me up and raped me. He left me tied up all night, and the next morning he raped me again." When Caligiuri was eventually freed by the attacker, he returned home to the home he shared with his ex-lover. "He had another man there with him," Caligiuri recalls. "I thought at this time, 'If this is what being gay is about, I don't want to be this way anymore." Caligiuri vowed that if he could find a way out, he would share his discovery with others. He organized an antigay contingent to demonstrate at Phoenix's gay pride parade in June 1985, and a few months later Free Indeed held its first public protest. At a meeting to promote a gay civil rights ordinance, Free Indeed members loudly blasted gays, telling them ther were sinners headed for hell. Free Indeed began receiving about a hundred telephone calls a week, thanks in part to a deceptive listing in the local yellow pages. "We were listed under Lesbian and Gay Alternative Services," Caligiuri says, "so people thought we were a gay information switchboard. People would call to find out where the local bars were, and we'd preach to them about the sins of homo- sexuality." Ruses like this are typical of the movement, Caligiuri says, adding, "They'll do anything to reach these people." "David used to go on radio and say really stupid things," recalls Peter Kelly, a counselor at Phoenix's Catholic diocese AIDS program, "like that he knew he was gay when he started wearing pastel colors." Caligiuri's family first found out about his ministry when they saw him on Raphael's syndicated talk show in 1985. "They were relieved," he recalls. "They figured that if they had to have a gay person in the family, better that I should be a 'reformed' gay person." But Caligiuri was hardly reformed. "By the time I appeared on Sally's show," "I'd started having sex with men again. Men would call our hotline and tell me about thier latest sin: sex with their pastor, sex with their father. I was horny all the time." Unable to risk going to gay bars, where he might be recognized from his numerous television appearances, Caligiuri says he "used to go to bookstores and get blowjobs." When he wasn't working the bookstores, he was sleeping with other "reformed" homosexuals. "I didn't realize it at first, but a lot of the HA leaders were having sex with one another," Caligiuri says. "We'd go to conferences in other cities, and we'd be paired up in hotel rooms. Everybody was sleeping with everybody else." By the time he appeared on 'AM Philadelphia' television show in May 1988, Caligiuri was having anonymous sex a couple times a week. When the show's host asked him if he ever "acted on temptation," his answer was a lie. Caligiuri's duplicity began to take it's toll on him, however. He was suffering from chrinic fatigue syndrome and candidiasis, a dibilitating yeast infection, and this led to his escape from the sect. "I was too sick to go to church," he explains. "The more time I spent away from those people the more I began to feel like myself. I began to remember who I used to be." Late in 1991, Caligiuri turned Free Indeed phone lines over to a local church and closed the ministry's doors. "I'd convinced myself that there is no need in the world for ex-gay people," he says. Today, Caligiuri, 31, is studying alternative spiritualities ("I'm interest- ed in belief systems that aren't judgemental."), considering romance ("But not with a CHristian!"), and searching for a new project to devote himself to. "I feel compelled to commit myself to gay causes," he says. "I want to eventually stop feeling guilty about what I did and make up for the damage I may have brought to our community." ---end article--- Caligiuri's tory is by no means unique and I have read several other articles of former leaders and founders of 'ex-gay' ministries who have said very similar th similar things. Fortuantely not all of them have left Christianity, but have come to realize that God loves them despite the attitudes of others. Some, like Chris Glaser, director of the Presbyterian "Lazarus Project" of West Hollywood Presbyterian Church have actually been working with the gay community to bring them into the sheepfold of Christ and encouraging real ethical values of sexuality within the sphere of being gay. I have also, as I said talked and become and become close friends with many who once attended such groups as "Love In Action" and others, who either once claimed to have been "reformed" or who were too honest with themselves to live a lie, no matter who was disappointed in them. Some were even encouraged to marry as a way of "sealing" their new heterosexuality, only to eventually start hitting the bars, bathhouses and bookstores, since these were usually activities under the concealment of night and one-night-stands of promiscuous behavior meant no continuous "sin" through a committed relationship. This is a horrible trap which the CHurch has dumped on the backs of the truly gay oriented people, and the very inno- cent victims in these cases are the wives and children of such marriages. Yet the church insists that there are only two options they are willing to allow gay people: 1) heterosexuality or 2) celebacy. This is sad. What is also mrtifying, is in the cases of those who cannot suppress their desires and fear for thier sanity in such a mixed up confusion that the church forces on them, they may even opt for 'suicide' or surgical dampering of the brain functions. In the past lobotomies and heavey drug suppressants were common- place. There are now becoming available more and more literature on the threat of coercive Christianity toward gays, such as Sylvia Pennington's _"Ex-Gays? There Are None_. and others. There are also a great many fact based books being written to help people trapped in this confusion such as Maury Johnston's _Gays Under Grace_, and Chris Glaser's _Come Hom!_. I seriously recommend those for people seeking help for this persecution and self-acceptance. Thank you. From lcrew@andromeda.rutgers.edu Sat Jun 5 08:47:28 1993 Received: from aramis.rutgers.edu by klinzhai.rutgers.edu (5.59/SMI4.0/RU1.5/3.08) id AA27829; Sat, 5 Jun 93 08:47:24 EDT Received: from andromeda.rutgers.edu by aramis.rutgers.edu (5.59/SMI4.0/RU1.5/3.08) id AA17626; Sat, 5 Jun 93 08:47:21 EDT Received: by andromeda.rutgers.edu (5.59/SMI4.0/RU1.5/3.08) id AA27695; Sat, 5 Jun 93 08:47:18 EDT Date: Sat, 5 Jun 93 8:47:16 EDT From: "Louie Crew" Reply-To: Louie Crew To: Charles Hedrick In-Reply-To: Your message of Fri, 4 Jun 93 0:21:18 EDT Subject: For "conversion" FAQ Message-Id: Status: R Thanks. Would you be willing to submit this for the "conversion" FAQ? Gladly. Here 'tis: ====== Subject: Regeneration: Part 1 LutiNotes on the Regeneration Conference, Catonsville, MD, May 22, 1993 --Louie Crew, Founder of Integrity, the Justice Ministry of Lesbigay Episcopalians An overview: These are my personal notes from the Regeneration conference at Catonsville, Maryland, May 22, 1993. I first circulated them to the E-Catacomb of Lesbigay Christians. Bracketed [] remarks refer to my own responses, marked LUTI for "H.R.H.Q. Lutibelle," my nom-de-camp. This conference has caused me to grow. I am grateful. I went expecting lesbigays like me to be attacked. I did not find that. I had no need of the Abednego asbestos bra and Shedrek tenny pumps that I had carefully packed. I rejoice. This conference contrasted radically with the regional meeting of Episcopalians United (EURRR) in Cranford, NJ a couple of years ago, where the attack level was extremely high. I am glad that I went to both, glad that I clarified for myself some of the differences. Judge for yourself whether I have been scorched unawares. One thing that my perspective lacks is the influence of those who have been through such "therapies" and then now resent having been tricked by them. One major difference between EURRR and Regeneration was the audience: the EURRR audience was mainly a group of hetero malcontents assembled in a huff to protect the Church. EURRR's exegesis had nothing at stake for them personally, except reassurance that they were right and everyone else was wrong. Leaders of EURRR explored 6 antigay passages in minute detail, but since these passages do not address hetero-salvation, when the group finally broke for discussion, not surprisingly the smaller groups dealt far more with other complaints than with a discussion of lesbigay persons. Those at my EURRR table seemed to think that they knew few if any lesbians or gays personally. Nor, I felt, would they want to. At Catonsville, however, the audience itself seemed as lesbigay as any other lesbigay assembly I have ever attended. Much body language was lesbigay -- no less so than when I attended the Christmas concert of the Gay Men's Chorus of NYC. A smattering of straits stood out by a clunkiness that not even the most ardent lesbigay "passer" could carry off, especially when he or she perceived eternal life to be at stake. The Regeneration conference seemed to achieve a space where it was safe to manifest a wide range of lesbigay mannerisms. (No flaming queans except me, I admit, nor any dykes on bikes; so I admit, not a "full" range, but full enough for a serious conference.) I rejoiced to be among a flock of my own people. I rejoiced to listen to their candor with struggle, struggle which I know intimately from my own experience, having waited until I was 28 to accept my own homosexuality and having waited until I was 36 [now I am 56] to embrace it as integral, not just a sinful thorn in my flesh. That last step they have not taken, or at least, not in the same way. I was nurtured by their honesty about anguish in their spiritual choices. I have not chosen glibly, nor it appeared to me, have most of the persons I heard. I rejoiced to hear my sisters and brother longing to be faithful to God and to be faithful to what God wants from their them. We differ mainly in what we discern God wants from each of us. I am embarrassed and repent that initially I expected this congregation to be hostile and glib. They were not. Hostility and glibness are not the special province of any quarter of the lesbigay Christian movement. We all risk it to our peril. Too many times we want to defend ourselves against the onslaught of every possible misinterpretation by wiping out for everyone else what we consider to be, or to have been, false choices for ourselves. People on each side of the Regeneration/Integrity model too easily reduce the faith choices of others to either Sin or Stupidity. With eternal life the stake, that polarization should surprise no one. But when I imagine God brooding as She does over all creation, I do not find her throwing definitive lightning bolts in either direction. She never promised that our choices would be easy nor that what is right for me would be right for someone else. She does promise that God's name is Love and that God's love is indiscriminately and unconditionally available to absolutely everyone. Winners? God's greater, more certain prophecy: All god's children win finally and just as soon as each can connect to that promise for right now. My lesser, more vulnerable prophecy: Regeneration's entire modus vivendi depends on the inerrancy of its reading of the Big Six. Reading those the way they do, they live as faithfully to their vision as they can. I pray that I may live as faithfully to my understanding of God's call to my own life. I doubt Regeneration's reading of those passages will hold fast in Christendom. Regeneration inherited those readings. Those readings in others' hands have underwritten enormous injustice and cruelty, as Joe Dallas acknowledged, cruel which the God of Love has no part of. Shakers made a similar commitment to celibacy and redefinition. They grew up as a 19th-century Christian form of birth control, and literally "shook" in ecstacy as a sublimation/suppression/? of libido. They left gifts for us far more important than their famous furniture -- a gift to be simple, a gift to be free. As my sisters and brothers in Regeneration live into their gifts, I wish them such strength and an abiding sense of God's presence in their daily struggles. I bid their prayers for me, a sinner, saved by God's infinite grace. I bid their prayers for me and Ernest together, that we might faithfully live our our commitments not narrowly focused on each other, but in strong private embrace, focused outwardly in communion with all God's children. Luti/Louie ======================================================================= Contents of the remaining reports: Caveat: I wrote these primarily as private notes for my own use. I provide them as a service to persons willing to accept the limitations of such a process. I typed as fast as I could and as accurately as I could, but I did not strive to preserve exact wording when, as often was the case, the speaker sped ahead of my fingers. I left gaps in much of the syntax when I felt I could decipher the notes for basic meaning. If these lead you to explore more complete versions, you may order tapes of all sessions, including those which I did not attend, at $3.50 per session or $25 for all sessions and workshops from Regeneration, P. O. Box 9830, Baltimore, MD 21284. Introduction by Alan Medinger, director of Regeneration: Regeneration is 14 Years old, but this is our first conference. At the beginning, we could not even find a church to meet in; for this conference 15 of 20 potential host congregations responded affirmatively. 15 years ago my first Exodus conference had only one-third this crowd. We are a very mixed group. I know two-thirds of you: counselors, ex-homosexuals. I hope the conference will meet all your needs. registration=125. About 115 have arrived. [*Note diction "ministry to people overcomING homosexuality" -- progressive verb form. This and all other bracket remarks are LutiNotes.] 1st Plenary Session: Joe Dallas, "The Change Process" [See Regeneration 2] 2nd Plenary Session: Joe Dallas, "The Church and the Homosexual" [See Regeneration 4] 3rd Plenary Session: Questions and Answers [See Regeneration 7] Workshops & leaders: Bob Ragan, Fairfax Regeneration leader: "Fantasy & Masturbation: Destruction of the True Self" Willa Medinger: "Healing of the Feminine Soul" [Luti attended. See Regeneration 5] Alan Medinger: "Help for Families and Friends" Dave Winters, leader of New Directions in Northern Virginia: "Pornography-- Harmless? Helpless? Healing?" Dr. Doris Morgan, Baltimore leader and co-sponsor: "Sexual Addiction." [Luti attended. Report follows as Regeneration 3] Addenda: two encounters with parents: See Regeneration 6 Subject: Regeneration: Part 2nd of 7 LutiNotes on the opening plenary session "The Change Process" conducted by Joe Dallas Regeneration Conference, Catonsville, MD, May 22, 1993 ==================================== Alan Medinger introduced Joe Dallas: Joe Dallas has been the leader of Exodus for the last 3 years. He is the author of DESIRES AND CONFLICT, the book that more than any other of our books has had an audience outside ex-gay circles; Joe will speak to a men's conference in Colorado later this year: it is a great thing, an ex-gay who will show men how to be men! ==================================== Dallas: At my first Exodus meeting, I wore a t-shirt and they snapped me up as president. [Today he is in a tie; most in the audience are in t-shirts.] I dare anyone to speak about homosexuality without offending anyone. Did you see Opra last week? Her program on ex-gays manifested 3 viewpoints: 1) It is wrong even to suggest change is possible. Sexual identity is unnatural/immutable. All claims to change amount to interference with nature. 2) I have changed: now I feel strong attractions for the opposite 3) the disappointed who have honest criticisms of the attempts to change that did not work. There will be always those who oppose the Bible because it inconveniences them. When Jesus the angry swineherders when he healed the demon-possessed many. Paul in Ephesus: upset Dimitrius who made big bucks off Diana worship. We will see escalation of conflicts about our ministry: we have only just begun: but in the future you will have to duck if you are a bible-believing Christian. The promotion of those who have experienced genuine change on Opra. Too many feel they ought that change occurs only if you can "propagate like a stud"; but others chose celibacy, and that's good too. Change must be a secondary issue: we have been too anxious to promote an idealistic quick view of change, and not enough emphasis on obedience. Bonhoffer: When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die. We should feel that it is marvelous either way, whether we successfully change our orientation or we life a life of celibacy]: the point is to pray: "God, just let me please you." 'Homosexuality and change' is a tricky issue : The point should be 'sanctification.' You who continue to struggle with homosexual desires are part of the communion of all saints who struggle. Too often we wear our neurosis like a status symbol. You're nothing today if you are not a survivor of something. We need to bridge the divisions of these labels. One of the most important things to remember is that our passion is common to all saints. How did we ever get to such a struggle? An eternal spiritual warfare. There has been enmity between God and Satan before the world began. I am a fan of the GODFATHER (aren't you glad ex-gays are teaching men to be men?! [laughter]). When they really want to go for you, they go for the one you love. Adam and Eve were naked and had a dynamite sex life but moved instead into blame-placing: the woman you gave me screwed every thing up.... The next generation experienced fratricide. Then came incest with Lot and his daughters. Finally God said, "Just let it rain." The Bible is pro-sexual. Sex is meant to be thoroughly enjoyed, a shared experience of ecstasy reserved for husband and wife. Paul said sin will no longer have dominion. Note he realized sin would stay around, but the victory is that sin will no longer control. Sanctification is a gradual process. We can be ensnared back into sin, "like a dog into his own vomit," as scripture says. Homosexuals repentance works like that: the sin is no longer dominates, but may remain present. For some the sin may be rather dormant; for others it is very active. I have to restrain myself; healing may be slow, gradual, a life-time process. This is not something we charismatics like to hear. We rebuke what we don't like. We're not known for our patience. But process is a reality of life. People tend to say, "You either change or don't." I'm a reformed smoker. I've been in bondage to nicotine. I don't want to be in bondage to it again. Yet if I were to smoke right now within two weeks, I could be back....... We ex-gays experience the same the ease of re-ensnarement. People can change, but change varies in degree. What is Homosexuality: See Richard Friedman. Although he is pro-gay, he has some important things to say: He says there is still not clinical consensus as to what homosexuality really is. Is it practice? Is it a predominant orientation? What determines "predominant"? There is not a lot we can say authoritatively. On the authority of Scripture, homosexuality is always contrary to God's will and homosexual desires are always abnormal. Outside of that: what causes?..... I hope that more tolerance will open up in the psychological community. HOMOSEXUAL should always be only as an adjective, not as a noun. Kinsey first made the same point. Yes, he's under fire; see excellent critique by Reisman [?]. I agree that you cannot divide people as sheep and goats, but sexuality is on a continuum. Only a minority is at either extreme. Labels (including "ex-gay") are too limiting to define your whole personhood. People should not be divided as either/or; classify only their feelings. You are first and foremost a child of God. Those who are most obsessed are those who will never get anywhere until they get their eye off the "sexual problem." True of those who are gay-identified as well: they are much more than their sexuality. [*Would he say God values the gay-identified? LUTI] Change: One's position on the Kinsey scale is not the same for a lifetime. See DeCecco, Friedman.... [DeCecco is gay and edits JOURNAL OF HOMOSEXUALITY] People are more flexible than we tend to think. People who abstain may find they don't need it. They often find a gradual shifting, but not a presto-chango transformation. Freud in his letter to the American mother of a homosexual said, 'I can't guarantee change.' But Freud went on to point out that in some cases we are able to revive the suppressed hetero impulses. This I affirm. The first change should occur in behavior. Don't laugh. That's a change. Tell the guy who stops after requiring five partners (drinks/drugs....) a week that behavior changes aren't changes. I do not apologize for behavior changes. The bible does not say "become heterosexual"; it says only to repent. Second, change occurs in perspective. The way you see things. Job was in a mess; did not deserve it; a victim of circumstances and God allowed him to be attacked by Satan. God lousy counseling. God finally broke through: Who tells me whom I should allow.... I don't ask you people how to run the universe. I'm God. Job's perspective changed before he changed. "Why me?" The identity is not a choice..... We are all assigned a certain struggle and we will be asked by God, did we do the best we could with what we were given. I have stewarded my body.... Paul struggled with his thorn in the side, whatever that was. Many people actually move beyond homosexual orientation; we cannot dismiss that reality, but that does not mean that others should expect this kind of change. In counseling, most people are already too stressed out. You don't need to tell people that their homosexuality is a sin: that's why they are there. Reduce that anxiety lest you thwart the process. Change the behavior; THEN change the perspective. Change the frequency of the problem: it reduces in therapy. But often it does not go away completely. Peter slid from boldness into cowardliness, back and forth even when fearful of being seen with Gentiles. But we can experience a change in the intensity. It is significant to move from "woooooah!" to merely "Oh?" Why difference in the results? I don't know; nor do I know why some sick people are healed and some are not. Those with prior hetero responses have the higher chance, as do those with experience of resisting sin in other areas. Those who have a first-love relationship with Jesus Christ are those that live the most successful lives. Failures are those who change their beliefs rather than on-going obedience. Five steps: ROUTE: Repentance Order unDerstading Training endurance Repentance I was experienced in bisexual areas. In 1984 I repented. No one said anything about change. Only that my behavior was an offense to god. Those who say only "I want to give this a try" usually won't last. Those who say "Homosexuality is a sin and I want nothing of it" will usually stick it out. Repetitious sin pollutes your whole relationship with God. Rejection of relationships and activities that lead you to sin. We have the Liberty to do all things, but it is not expedient to do do all things. For example, Rock and Roll: I like the oldies station; Mowtown can make me dangerous behind the wheel. "Brother Dallas, dancing in the spirit, are we?" Rock and Roll does not lead me into sin. But I have to be extremely careful of the movies that can lead me into sin.. Repeated sin buries issues. Homosexuality is symptomatic, not the deeper issue: so long as you continue to indulge in it, you bury other issues. Sometimes sober alcoholics are terribly grumpy because they are now having to deal with the issues they had fled. Order Specialized care, intimacy, social life. God was delivering people from homosexuality long before our ministries, but in our culture, we need our ministries. Where else is it safe to pray "I have been struggling w/ homosexuality this week; pray for." [much laughter noting how rare such a congregation would be] You can't give up one intense form of intimacy without needing another. Get it. Have someone there who is rooting for you. Get a counselor or a therapist. Don't run from it. Do have a social life, friendships, activities. I'm nervous when people are too involved in support groups only. unDerstading Paul tells us that all scripture was written to advise us. Homosexuality is symptomatic of the deeper issues; not for sex alone; are looking for something through the acts. When you understand that, you can look for the same good thing more legitimately. What types of moods? How often compelled to act out? What are your weaknesses? What punches your buttons? What have you been looking for in it? [Does Dallas never sees sexuality integral except when heterosexual? Is homosexuality always peripheral for him? Luti] Training Adopt the mind of someone taking charge of your life. Find alternative relationships. Those not willing to integrate outside the ex-gay groups have the least success. Most of our problems have come out of relationship. People are in pain because of struggles with people. We need reassurance that we are there. Resistance: We must resist fantasy and temptation. We are being bombarded everywhere, the American cult of the body. Luther: "You can't keep the birds from flying over your head, but you do not have to let them make a nest in your hair." Endurance Determine for yourself why you are even doing this. See Frankel's MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING. Those who survived Auschwitz were those that had a higher sense of meaning. If we can stand before Christ as good faithful stewards, that's it. We must be stewards of our bodies. Sanctification is not complete in this life. We carry our scars. We will receive rewards for what we have done with our bodies at Judgment Day.. Do you have a passion in life? Someone you live for? A mission? You need that, and you need to have responsibility beyond yourself--a commitment that will be violated God knew what He was talking about when he condemned certain behaviors. Have fun. Lighten up. Don't be so dreary. Some can only see their life through the filter of their sexuality. I agree with "If there is no dancing at the Revolution, I am not coming." We ought to be sanctified happy people. Avoid the starch (the Pharisees). Subject: Regeneration: Part 3 of 7 LutiNotes on a workshop on "Sexual Addiction" conducted by Dr. Doris Morgan Regeneration Conference, Catonsville, MD, May 22, 1993 [Caveat: I wrote these primarily as private notes for my own use. I provide them as a service to persons willing to accept the limitations of such a process. I typed as fast as I could and as accurately as I could, but I did not strive to preserve exact wording when, as often was the case, the speaker sped ahead of my fingers. I left gaps in much of the syntax when I felt I could decipher the notes for basic meaning. If these lead you to explore more complete versions, you may order tapes of all sessions, including those which I did not attend, at $3.50 per session or $25 for all sessions and workshops from Regeneration, P. O. Box 9830, Baltimore, MD 21284. -- Luti] I love the honesty of the word of God: LUST is the term there. When we lust once, we continue to lust for more and more. Lust is idolatry. Many becomes a slave to whatever masters him. Addiction lust is extremely mastering. Glory of sex and the pain of sex: Bible's common emphasis. Helps me understand how powerful it is; God knew how painful it would be when we misuse it. Client: "My addiction is like hell: it consumes me; yet it keeps on burning" Most of us are not born with addictive behavior. Where did something so wonderful become so awful. Often results from trauma, neglect....or our perception of it. We see childhood trauma as children, as pure gut: at that time it does not matter what people say to us, but what goes on in side us. Our parents seem perfect. We're wee, they're tall. Human parents who neglect or hurt us, we say, "What did I do wrong? Daddy can't be imperfect; mommy can't" We need them to survive. Yet we fail to account their baggage. They may not even know what love is. We cannot as kids know what that is all about. All of us are born with a physical identity, male or female, but we learn that role's meaning through others, chiefly through our parents. A current client whose family respected and valued him because he was valued for his feminine side, the beauty of his eyes, his playing in women's clothes. Adults had more power to tell us who we are than we have to tell ourselves. God's gift is to make us in His image. We begin to question ourselves. That's when the roots of addiction begin. We connect these doubts/insecurities to our sexuality. Infants smile when they discover their own genitalia. Child is discovering God's gift. Our culture says sex is no big deal, and yet we are obsessed by it. The Word of God puts protective boundaries about us. When boundaries have been broken and alienation has set up, then we don't grow into health and into wholeness. Original Sin comes to us in the same way, in broken boundaries about our sexuality. Last week I talked to students about pedophilia in a school. Another client was called "daughter" We begin to focus on feeling good, being love. Quick high; fast burn; rapid need for more. (True for any addiction) Very difficult to reverse. Initially we think that sexuality will give us warmth and caring, but we need it over and over again.. Important to go back and discover what was hurting in the first place. [***Much more about sex than most other groups I have been to. LUTI] Brokenness in families. We need to look at the patterns and belief systems that came to us from our families. "WHAT WILL THE PARISHIONERS SAY?" the motto of my childhood, as a preacher's kid. We use addiction to anesthetize our feelings. Yesterday a child of 15 said "the only way I could look at this was to get outside myself" -- patterns repeatedly in clinical experience of multiple personalities. Our choices are important. Anger is an interesting emotion. It's second level, protective.... In the center of the target is the need to be loved; the next circle out is pain and hurt, because we feel we deserve to be loved perfectly; third circle is fear (of unlove); the outer circle is anger. The angrier you get, the more fearful you are inside. We don't celebrate our addictions: they are always secret. Relationships are only as strong as their weakest secrets. "Screw you!" is the secular equivalent. Fantasy life is like a vcr in the brain and any moment you may turn it on; "so available." Lust does not satisfy; it stirs up. There are times when obsession feels like possession. You lose control, and it controls you. Goal of intimacy is God's design. Lack of intimacy is isolation. We also need playfulness. Jesus would have been fun to be with at a wedding. Pleasure plus guilt plus pain = death. Lust kills. The goal of acceptance becomes alienation. We can delude other people. Client this week had been addicted for 18 years and only this week did his wife learn this. Addiction alienates us from other people and from God. Luther: We are not there yet, but we are on the journey. Sometimes we retreat into the safety of the addiction. Sometimes we are scared to death of being close to another person. Too often we take our self-hatred and project it on another person. [*The biblical condemnation is given, never explored. No reading of the underwriting texts. Clearly most speakers assumed a lesbigay audience, unlike the EURRR group; apologias are not a part of the Integrity groups either. However, I note that in one workshop which I did not attend, Joe Dallas taught how to respond to each lesbigay exegesis of the major anti-gay texts. LUTI] Zaccheus repented; he gave back more than he took; turned around 1. You must really want to change consciously. 2. You must be honest with yourself. It's sin. It's deception. 3. You need to be pro-active. All athletes start with a plan to change to reach their goal. God never made us in parts. We are connected. If we are going to have a plan, we need one to encompass all of it. Matt. 11:28-29 "My yoke .....you will find rest. MY yoke is easy and my burden is light." We must take Jesus as our paraclete in that journey. 1. Give the battle to God. 2. Stop keeping the secret. [not necessary to run up and down the church aisle: oh, how can you do that; I will pray for you.] 3. Ask God to show you a lovingly Godly person to do it with. Addiction by nature is something we give in to in weak moments. Friends get us through the moment and our emotional need will diminish. All forgiveness can be done by an individual. All reconciliation requires two. It's important that we begin to do what is necessary to begin to re-connect. The road to forgiveness begins on the cross. Forgiveness must take us through the process of pain. The individual often needs to be able to tell the partner what has been going on. When we talk to other people, we cannot expect that they will want to hear it or will respond in love. Some will say, "Liar! That never happened; how could you do that to me? Develop nonsexual ways to meet intimacy needs. Our desire is to be known in our hearts. Change our self-perceptions. We need to see ourselves in a new light. Measure progress in milliliters, not in giant steps. You will be most vulnerable when you are hungry, angry, hurt, tired.... Plan ahead for such.. One day to break a habit but two weeks to change one. Learn to deal with your anger. Learn what it does to you. Become less passive and more assertive. Ungirting all change is spiritual. God knows when we love, when we have made a step forward. God is faithful. If we can look ahead (addiction tries to keep us at the moment)...... [She closed by reading from ~Psalms Now~ a transliteration of Psalm 32. Luti] Subject: Regeneration Part 4 of 7 LutiNotes on the second plenary session "Homosexuality and the Church" conducted by Joe Dallas Regeneration Conference, Catonsville, MD, May 22, 1993 [Caveat: I wrote these primarily as private notes for my own use. I provide them as a service to persons willing to accept the limitations of such a process. I typed as fast as I could and as accurately as I could, but I did not strive to preserve exact wording when, as often was the case, the speaker sped ahead of my fingers. I left gaps in much of the syntax when I felt I could decipher the notes for basic meaning. If these lead you to explore more complete versions, you may order tapes of all sessions, including those which I did not attend, at $3.50 per session or $25 for all sessions and workshops from Regeneration, P. O. Box 9830, Baltimore, MD 21284. -- Luti] The way the Church has been responding--to those outside, to those who struggle against it....and the way that we respond to each other. We're in the middle of a battle about how to define spiritual issues. Strong movement to change our definition and strong resistance. In Ephesians Paul says we are a poema, (a poem), the means by which God is trying to express himself. The Church has not always accurately expressed God's mind. When the Church does not follow, God calls the church to repent and to recommit. We must repent of immorality within the body of Christ before we can recommit. Samson and his haircut (long hair a symbol of his vows of holiness). He lost his strength when he compromised his spiritual authority because of its own immorality. Epidemic of moral failure in Christian leadership. Makes us look a little silly when we say, "You are living in sin," when our church leaders are living in sin. "My wife and I go there [to abortion clinics] to repent." Recent gay march on Washington: "God hates fags" What a terrible Christian witness. We need a place for public repentance. "Did they really think there was anyone to talk to as preventative care?" re: clergy sexual sin. We need a place for honesty. The lost art of accountability . We are too "success oriented" and the higher profile of its leader's position. We need to measure one another by our ability to love one another. The Church will have to emphasize mutual accountability and discipleship. I do not want the church to become a major recovery unit: psychology should not be equated with the Bible. But we need more intimate honesty within the body of Christ. Christian men are having a terrible time dealing with pornography. Found it sad that his pastor found it strange that he and his wife had made it to marriage counseling without having sexually related. Church must repent of its hostility towards lesbians and gays and recommit to bold love! [amen!] Hostility is not the answer. It does not make for effective ministry, but for alienation. Jonah was called to minister to a group of people he did not like. He did not thank the mission board. He was scared and ran away from his calling, puked up on the beach, even then he preached the world's worst evangelistic sermon: "Destruction!" and then when he was successful, he was furious that he did not see God's judgment come pouring down. So many in the Church are afflicted with the Jonah Syndrome. Conservative Christians and radical gay groups: exit ministries have had our share. We are reaping the fruit of bitter seed sown decades ago. Anita, Bryant, Moral Majority...... yes, we needed to enter the public arena, but we put more emphasis on gaining political power than on teaching love and building relationships. It wasn't enough to preach that the Bible condemns homosexuality (which it does!), but we seemed to convince everyone that gays are the worst on the planet. We condemned them for practices which most homosexuals had never even heard of. When the gay community heard remarks about them that were cruel and inaccurate, they heard that there were parts of the Body of the Christ who wanted to hurt them, the complicity of the church in stereotypes, they knew that we weren't interested in their spiritual well being. Gay leaders used these remarks unfairly to inflame their people and to misrepresent all these as respectful.... Advent of the AIDS epidemic....the best opportunity the church has had in decades...... Young men dying.....what an opportunity: let's find out what they need, that we're really concerned, God is concerned. No, we heard, the judgment of God is heard. Left those in the church who struggle with their own homosexuality even more alienated! On our end, we have to take responsibility for some of the cruelty that has been enacted and we must repent towards bold love, without compromising biblical standards. Jesus was not too obsessed w/ people's sin..... Bold love gets to the real issue: love....... People can go to hell straight just as easily as gay. The preaching of the gospel must be respectful. We don't have to be wimps; we don't have to yield to militant gays. But we can surely reinstitute a sense of respect of dialoguing with gays where they are. Horrible indictment that conservative Christians surprise gays when the discover that we can be interested in AIDS ministry. How helpful if Christians in the work force (all of us know some) if we learned to listen, to listen to their pain. Our ears are the most important part of our ministry. I respect your personhood does not mean that we agree. I am interested. I want to know you experience. Church must repent of being by repenting of pro-gay and pro-liberal forces that are trying to silence the Christian viewpoint. We don't have to back down on our own values. We have heard our own spokespersons speak so poorly that we don't want to be identified. When we are silent, we give the impression that only a few kooks believe in the moral standards of the bible. Conservative Christians are the most easily criticized group in America, especially on talk shows. The cards are terribly stacked against us. The decision to abandon practice is based on faithfulness to truth. The same must drive our willingness to make statements on morality, even when inconvenient. We tried the power motive, and that did not work. Faithfulness must motivate us. E.g., write an editor. Simple to do. More ought to. Why so many from pro-gays and so few from conservative Christians? We must find the balance in our tone. The gay community provides some stiff competition indeed for the church: they find acceptance, solidarity, intensity. How can we match that? How would we fare if the gays could feel as honest among us as they do at the gay bars. I support Exodus, but really, why must there be and Exodus? Too often we evolved because so few churches would care at all. Even those who struggle against homosexuality are shunted off into a corner. Where has the rest of the Church been. It does not want to deal with the fact presence of homosexuality in the church. Housekeeping Medinger wants to address the lack of black presence and we have a way of intending about that. Durral Foley (?), a black male minister, made an appeal to promote ministry w/i the black community. Dave Whitaker announced inner-healing softball to recover the true masculine, to occur just after the dismissal.... Subject: Regeneration Part 5 of 7 LutiNotes on a workshop on "Healing of the Feminine Soul" conducted by Willa Medinger, wife of Alan, ex-gay director of Regeneration Regeneration Conference, Catonsville, MD, May 22, 1993 [Caveat: I wrote these primarily as private notes for my own use. I provide them as a service to persons willing to accept the limitations of such a process. I typed as fast as I could and as accurately as I could, but I did not strive to preserve exact wording when, as often was the case, the speaker sped ahead of my fingers. I left gaps in much of the syntax when I felt I could decipher the notes for basic meaning. If these lead you to explore more complete versions, you may order tapes of all sessions, including those which I did not attend, at $3.50 per session or $25 for all sessions and workshops from Regeneration, P. O. Box 9830, Baltimore, MD 21284. -- Luti] After 15 years with Alan, I had to deal with my anger. I hoped I would help the women struggling to overcome lesbianism because their journey towards wholeness seemed much longer than that of other women. When I asked Alan how to help lesbians, he replied, "I have no idea of how to help a woman, because a woman is so whole, so integrated. With a man you fix this part and you fix this part." That left me with God as my only source, and I knew that God could heal a woman because God healed me. A true Christian man has the responsibility to provide for and protect women. He is also part feminine, lest he be dominating and out of touch with his emotions. One of the safest times in my life is when Alan will say "no" to me. This creates in me a sense of love. It almost turns me on. I feel centered. I feel I am who I am. This creates security. I yearn for boundaries, and I become a woman within them. The mature Christian man does not fear women. Misogyny has existed since the fall. A man who wipes his hands of putting controls on her is also a misogynist. He can't even care enough to say "no." The mature Christian man prizes woman and helps her to become all she can be in Christ. The mature Christian man encourages woman to depend on Christ, and not on himself. It is to Christ that she is accountable. If the man is unkind to her, she is still called to be accountable to Christ. Her mate's behavior does not give her the liberty to sin. Christ is a higher authority than her husband. I would far rather be a woman under Christ than a man. Jesus calls husbands to sacrifice their lives for another; I am called to honor that sacrifice. That sacrifice leaves me speechless. In the absence of pure femininity, the man's calling is not lessened either. He may be called to speak the truth in love. What a mature Christian Woman Looks Like: At the heart, she is at peace and responds with obedience when the man says 'no.' In therapy I will let the lesbian throw back to me very association with the word WOMAN: [long list of negatives....] Instead: I feel that a WOMAN is ".....responsible, compassionate, hospitable, pure, gracious, faithful, pure. God does not wish woman put down. God Almighty will defend her. She does not take up the protection of herself by herself. The most awesome example: Sarah's problem with Abraham, who told the king that Sarah was his sister and committed her to the king's harem twice! Abraham was afraid that he would be overthrown and beaten in war. Woman strengthens man's strength and compensates for his weakness. She can also embrace the masculine strengths in herself. At first, I came out "super femm" -- extremely vulnerable and afraid. My pastor prayed that the true masculine would come out in me. It involved my: 1. Initiating 2. Standing fast 3. Speaking the truth in love. Allen was able to grow when I grew strong enough to speak out. I was able to affect his growth as a man. So many clients would cry when I asked "Who are you?" They would try to define who they were by what they did. That's not it. Some have picked up a diseased femininity. Like many of their mothers, they have become controlling. Some others have sometimes became what their fathers wanted them to be. Never had they become what God wanted them to be. To get back to whom we are created to be, we need nurturing. Diseased masculinity and diseased femininity in the home. They patronized or devalued one another. Often the mothers looked to man to define them. They were man pleasers, not God pleasers. Often even kind fathers never tried to stop the mothers from doing harmful things they were doing to their daughters. Often fathers let the little girl be surrogate wife. Often the mothers took on man's responsibility in order to hold the family together. Often the person married to a man coming out of homosexuality, were holding the family together, but would have this bitterness of anger at never being able to be who God made them to be. I often felt that it was my job to save Allen, yet they kept him locked in his sexual addiction. I was there making everything right and he did not need God. I would tell him I had been responsible for sending him into the parks. I was trying to play God. God said that there is only one way that I know how to help -- pain. You stop taking the pain away. I prayed, "If I give Alan to you, God, who will love him?" I was saying that the only one capable of loving my husband was me. I was setting myself up as redeemer. I was saying that if Allen no longer needed me, he did not love me. Heterosexual women are often bonded to and encourage abuse. I had become bonded to my brother's abuse. In searching for male love, I had bonded to my brother's abuse, because it was at least something. These kinds of women encourage abusers. Where do I see lesbians going astray? Often their mothers were unable to give life.... If a woman as a child has never received nurture, how can she give that to her daughter? Many of the times when these marriages are just search a mess, you see a mother turn to her daughter for what she is not receiving from her husband even to suck life from the daughter. "Do you feel very responsible for your mother?" Most of the women say 'yes.' What is not in place is a feeling of their own being. I saw this void, this lack of being in the daughters and in the daughters. And the fathers often stood by when that happened. Often parents will not release children. Girls vow never to be a woman since it is an acceptance of weakness. How do you ever restore the feminine soul? When I prepared this class, I would have said, the woman needs to depend on God for her emotional needs, that she should not attempt to feel again. God said: In healing a feminine soul the most powerful thing is bonding with a mature feminine human being. With proper loving, a woman looks to a man with trust. It is from there that she can begin to listen and begin to become who she was meant to be. The Holy Spirit does not abandon us when we are angry. It is the anger which hides the anxiety and the pain. You also have to go through the anger with your mother. You will never want to have anything to do with the feminine until you resolve what is inside you. Finally we fall into our pain. (See THE SILENT PAIN) A lot of the rage is that we hurt so darn bad because we never got that love that we need. The tears can last from two to six years. Subject: Regeneration Part 6 of 7 LutiNotes on Regeneration Conference, Catonsville, MD, May 22, 1993 Addenda: two encounters with parents: At Willa Medinger's session on "Healing the Feminine Soul" At the end of the session, a man in great emotion pointed out how important this group is for keeping him and his wife sane. 'We lost our daughter, he said, because we were to financially strapped to be home with her in those crucial first three years of cuddling. We had more money when our son came and we were able to bond with him. But the daughter went off to Rutgers, which is riddled with lesbian and gay professors, and now has left us. We were so wrong in her childhood. We love her still, and when she comes back she can still be quite close to us, but then she goes back to that awful lesbian life.....' Many 'amens' through this. One man sitting next to me told the man to forgive himself, that we can't hold ourselves responsi- ble for our kids' decisions once they reach 18.... But the father would hear none of it. 'And my wife is hurting even more than I am!' he said. His wife held on to him tightly. At lunch Ann Carlson and I sat next to an heterosexual couple in their 60s, obviously of humble means in manners and dress. The husbands' hands had been obviously washed, but deep dirt remained, as from hard labor. "Are you involved in this ministry," I asked. "We have a son who is coming out of homosexuality," the father replied. "Is he part of this ministry?" "He's away at the University. We are here to learn how to be supportive." "When did he share his identity with you?" "Very early. When he was 13." "How old is he now?" "26" "How did you feel?" "We loved him. We have always loved him." "Would you love him if he were to choose to remain gay?" I asked. The father and mother both looked at me with complete surprise, completely incredulous: "Of course! Nothing could ever separate him from our love." "Does he know that?" I asked. "Yes!" they both responded. The father added, "I think that far too much is made of sexuality anyway. Sexuality does not define him for us. He is much too complex for that, as is our other son. They are like Esau and Jacob. Our gay son is a concert pianist with enormous talent; our other son hunts, fishes...." "Do they like each other?" "They are like Esau and Jacob!" the father said impatiently. "Of course they don't. But we love them both. We don't understand how we had a son so fine as our gay boy: neither of us has any musical talent, yet even when he was quite small, his teachers kept telling us he knew too much to teach him, and we kept sending him to more and more advanced teachers, until finally a major concert musician connected with him. Clearly God has given him these vast talents, and clearly God has great plans for him." "As a gay man," I said, "let me assure you that you are a father we would all dream to have! Don't you worry about your son. You love him; he knows that. Assure him that God loves him even more!" Subject: Regeneration: Part 7 of 7 LutiNotes on Regeneration Conference, Catonsville, MD, May 22, 1993 Addenda: Question & Answers [These are recorded from even skimpier hand-written notes, since I did not have on my laptop. Luti] Q: If we are willing to modulate our biblical stance on slavery and on women, why are we not willing to modulate it on homosexuality? Dallas: The bible never prescribed slavery nor the persecution of women. People misused the bible to support those interpretations, and we have corrected that misuse. The bible is much clearer about the evils of homosexuality. We give a bible reading, not a bible interpretation. The bible reads that homosexuality is an abomination. Q: Any day now, as certain as the sunrise, the APA or other official body of psychologists will definitely "prove" that homosexuality is genetic, not a choice -- whether or not such is true. And the entire culture is going to blast us for trying to change what God has made. What should we respond? Dallas: The bible never said that being homosexual is evil, nor that being crippled is evil. It is homosexual behavior and desire that are evil. The APA cannot change God's prohibitions against it. Nor are we claiming that all will be cured. We are claiming that we will all be faithful to struggling our very best not to yield. Q: You have told us that we should be better listeners and that we should make lesbians and gays more comfortable among us, even those who have not committed to abandon that life style. Should pastors allow persons to come to the church when they come in pairs of lovers? Medinger: I believe that pastors should respond to gays precisely as they would respond to straights living in couples outside marriage. And if I read practice correctly in most places, all those would be welcome, regardless of what people said about their choices. Q: But in the case of straights, the pastor could tell them to go and get married..... Medinger: [Blushing, smiling] No, don't worry. I am not about to say that the pastor should say the same thing to lesbians and gays. The bible gives absolutely no authority for homosexual marriages. Q: The bible tells us that after a time God will give up on homosexuals and turn them over to the devil. Romans 1, for example. Should we not practice a similar exclusion? Answer by one of the members of Regeneration: I believe that God is my Father, and I know for certain that my heavenly father to whom I gave my life at age 11 has gone to all possible lengths to get me back, particularly when I myself was not even sure I wanted to come back. Medinger: What is it we have on the t-shirts for our softball team: "And such were some of you, but now I am a softball player!" Dallas: Note that the questions suggest that God is waiting up there to ensnare the homosexual. That is not the gospel. God is loves the homosexual Q: When we were witnessing to a group of lesbians and gays at Carnegie Melon, they put us down by saying "We were born this way." We replied, "But pedophiles often say the same thing, yet you would not say birth makes pedophilia okay." Then the lesbians and gays replied, "But my action does not hurt anybody; pedophiles do hurt others." We were at a loss. How should we have replied? Dallas: I would not like to see laws equate all homosexuality with pedophilia. Homosexuality itself is not equal to child molestation. Q. Can gays still experience grace if they continue to sin? Dallas: I believe they can. The bible says "The Gifts and calling of God are without repentance!" People in willful sin can still experience anointing. I don't understand it, but I know it to be true. Look at how God has used for good the ministries of many evangelists whom we now know to have been living in sin when they were preaching. Q: But when I willfully sin, I feel set off, broken, out of fellowship with God, and I do not believe that God anoints me then. Path: christian Newsgroups: soc.religion.christian From: kenc@oneworld.com (Kenneth Corbin) Subject: Homosexuality and Christian ex-gay ministries Organization: Fenris Information Exchange, Corvallis, Ore. Approved: christian@aramis.rutgers.edu Moderation note: Author's permission to redistribute both articles has been obtained. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here's some material on EXODUS and their sort. Hope it helps: As promised, there is the article from Open Hands (vol. 2, number 2, Fall 1986) THE REAL CHANGES TAKING PLACE by Ralph Blair "In olden days -- not so very olden either -- this practice was painted as the blackest of all possible sins. Anyone who practiced it was pretty sure of hell. Our grandfathers, including our medical grandfathers, if they did not avoid all reference to it, taught that it was not only a dreadful sin, but that also it had physical and mental consequence which were terrible; these consequences being regarded as the just punishment of God for human wickedness. It was said that the victim of this habit invariably brought disease upon himself and that if he did not speedily check it he would go mad.... The only hope of cure held out was said to lie in the exercise of the victim's will assisted by religious execises of prayer and Bible reading." -- Leslie Weatherhead, "The Mastery of Sex through Psychology and Religion," 1931. The Rev. Leslie Weatherhead, a British Methodist in a Congregationalist pulpit, was one of the pioneers in attempting to integrate psychology and religion. In his day, he was considered a "liberal" or "enlightened" voice on matters relating sexuality to spirituality, as his above words on "Masturbation or Self-Abuse" might indicate. The *Methodist Recorder* predicted, "without fear of exaggeration it can be said that tens of thousands of young people will be deeply grateful" for Weatherhead's book. In that essay, Weatherhead also stated: "Fortunately, most of what was held to be true in regard to masturbation, physically, psychologically, and theologically, we now know to be vulgar nonsense." He noted that a "psychologist says that 99 per cent of those who have given him their confidence practice it, and he suspects the hundredth of concealing the truth." We should by now, however, know better than to think that Weatherhead was particularly enlightened. He went on to claim that "some [men and women] achieve complete mastery [over masturbation] ... Quite recently I have had the joy of curing -- apparently completely -- a boy who masturbated several times daily for eight years and a girl in whom the practice had been a daily one for nearly fifteen years." By what means did Weatherhead have such "joy of curing" masturbators? His recommendations ranged from the psychological (urging patients to recognize masturbation as "the misuse on selfish levels of an instinctive energy"), to the religious ("Simply soak the mind with thoughts of Christ") to the physical (recommending circumcision of all uncircumcised masturbators, avoidance of "heavy meals late at night," and sleeping with coverings that were "as light as possible" in a bed that was "not too soft"). IT SHOULD NOT BE SURPRISING how many parallels exist between this appraoch to masturbation and the various, supposedly enlightened approaches to homosexuality popular today among evangelicals, fundamentalists, and charismatics. [Footnote: In his own chapter on homosexuality, Weatherhead simply referred his readers to his chapter on masturbation, though he did say that the sodomy laws were "both cruel and useless."] As was the case with Weatherhead's "ex-masturbator" process, many (though not all) leaders of what is commonly known as the "ex-gay movement" are attempting to move away from the really outlandish misinformation of previous generations. In both movements, we see a move from ignoring a taboo topic to a revolutionalry recognition if it as a widespread phenomenon -- even within the churches -- requiring a change in perception. We see a seemingly greater compassion. But we see, too, simplistic solutions in the misuse of prayer and Bible reading. And we see the naive reporting of "cure" on the basis of instant evaluation of alleged change, rather than on long-term follow-up studies. We see testimony of "ex-masturbators" and "ex-gays" as narrowly reported by their world-be deliverers. We see recommendations that the behavior be redefined, that thanks be given for a "freedom" not yet actually attained. We see recommendations for avoidance and silly suggestions for distraction, repression and denial. Make no mistake about it -- changes undoubtably do occur in the "ex-gay" movement. But in my extensive study of "ex-gay" phenomena over more than a decade convinces me that the changes are turnover in testimonies, personnel, promises, definitions, expectations and claims, not changes in sexual orientation and behavior. As even "ex-gay" movement promoter Sharon Kuhn has admitted in Campus Crusade's *Worldwide Challenge* magazine, "most ["ex-gay"] ministries to Christian homosexuals soon die out." The degree of "enlightenment" among modern-day evangelicals, fundamentalists, and charismatics varies widely. This is expecially the case with many heterosexuals who desperately want to believe in the "ex-gay" movement. Some persons continue to propose "cures" that are downright stupid. Out of Dallas a "Chaplain Ray" has issued advice on "How Homosexuals Can Change." He says that homosexuals should "Keep active. Work. Exercise. Involve yourself in as much wholesome group activities as possible." This Rambo-like prison chaplain also believes that homosexuals would have been "healthier emotionally and psychologically if they had been involved in the rough and tumble games and fights of the children on the playgrounds." Some evangelicals continue to claim that complete change to heterosexuality is possible for the gay man or lesbian. For example, Kenneth Gangel, of Dallas Theological Seminary, claims that the "propensity can be changed by the power of Jesus Christ." He says that those Christian leaders who do not propose complete change "stop short of the real power of the gospel." (He cites as his evidence the testimony of a man who has now left the "ex-gay" movement and who, in the testimony cited by Gankel, readily admitted that he continued to masturbate thinking of "fond wishes" for homosexual activity.) And Leanne Payne, a heterosexual charismatic who runs Pastoral Care Ministries, calls all same-sex sexuality "a sexual neurosis" (contrary to the diagnostic classification of the American Psychiatric Association). She defines homosexuality as "a condition for God to heal" and says that, as such, "it is (in spite of the widespread belief to the contrary) remarkably simple." Among other evangelicals, such views are waning. Five years ago, *Christianity Today* bannered across its cover: "Homosexuals CAN Change." Two years later, that magazine's editor, Kenneth Kantzer, admitted that "The evidence is clear that such a turn [from homosexuality to heterosexuality] is often not very successful," though he demanded that all lesbians and gay men "try to turn from your homosexual orientation" or at least "exercise self-control...refrain from homosexual practice...and live lives of sexual continence." Eastern College sociologist Tony Campolo admits that "ex-gay" claims "always fall through" on close examination. He even acknowledges the probability of a "biological basis for homosexuality" and thus says that we "cannot expect such a person to change his orientation." But Campolo, too, advocates celibacy for men and women whose orientation is homosexual. Increasingly, some evangelicals are moving all the way to the position espoused by Evangelicals Concerned, supporting a realistic integratiion of same-sex relationship and biblical faith. As early as 1978, Richard Quebedeaux observed in *The Worldly Evangelicals,* "Right and center evangelicals may continue to say 'no' to homosexual practice explicitly and homosexual orientation implicitly; but it seems likely that left evangelicals will finally come out closer to Ralph Blair than to Anita Bryant." Nonetheless, percieved "causes" and "cures" of homosexuality are still quite confused and confusing among most evangelicals, fundamentalists, and charismatics. It does not, of course, take much beyond chutzpah to posture righteousness indignation and promise "freedom from homosexuality," especially if the one who makes the promise is a heterosexual who says it is really up to God to heal. It requires quite something else to offer an effective way out of homosexual orientation. And no matter what they claim, it is obvious that nobody is delivering on deliverance. THE CLAIMS of "ex-gays" themselves also vary considerably. Many frankly admit that, contrary to Payne's claims, "healing" of homosexuality is not "remarkably simple." They know from their own experience what daily and even hourly struggles they are up against. In a recent interview in the *St. Paul Pioneer Press,* "ex-gay" leader Jeff Ford of Outpost says that he still wrestles with his own homosexual urges, admitting he is not "cured," and that he doubts that "anyone has shed their homosexual orientation" through the "ex-gay" process. Similarly, Frank Worthen, the director of "Love In Action," warns in a recent issue of his newsletter, "When the sun [comes out] and the clothes [come] off, ['ex-gays' have] a full blown problem." He admists that even "during the winter months," the "ex-gays" have only "a measure of victory." He confesses, "One of the most difficult battles ex-gay men and women face is working through attractions we often have to members of the same sex." He notes that "ex-gays" are often sexually attracted to persons they see while out shopping or at church but says that it is expecially hard when "ex-gays" are sexually attracted to "someone we work with or are required to interact with on a regular basis." Worthen, who is now married to a woman, suggests that other "ex-gays" should, "if possible, cut down the number of times you are seeing the person. Using the telephone rather than visiting the person helps." He advises that "ex-gays" seek out "the physically unattractive." Finally, Worthen says that "ex-gays" "should not just beat yourself... every time you feel attracted to another." Another "ex-gay" has this to confide to the readers of *The Presbyterian Survey*: "I have a hope that I will someday have a heterosexual orientation, or meet a woman who will help me find one. But my hardened, cynical side insists that the future for me will consist of celibacy, and a decreased sexual tension. Nevertheless, the tension will remain with me until death. That's what I think the future will be like." Some "ex-gays," however, actually deny their experience. Daniel Roberts of Homosexuals Anonymous (also known as Quest) says that homosexuals are all mistaken even in thinking of themselves as "homosexuals." According to his pseudo-Freudian interpretation, homosexuality is really "an ambivalence toward the same sex rather than love for the same sex." He says that such ambivalence leads to genital behavior when it is "misinterpreted as erotic." Other "ex-gays" redefine terms to suit themselves. Joanne Highley of L.I.F.E. Ministry says that Christians must "see homosexual orientation for what it is -- a lie. We are," she insists, "truly heterosexual" in the first place. With such flip-flop argumentation she finds it easy to promise "a transformation of one's orientation" (though we might ask what the need is for such a "transformation" if the homosexual orientation is really just "a lie" all along). At any rate, she says that such "transformation of one's orientation" is done through a "change of identity -- recognition of being a new creation." NO MATTER what they over-claim in promoting their movement, careful examination of *most* of the claims of the "ex-gays" -- at least in their fine-print disclaimers -- shows far more modest promises. Some of their stories of so-called deliverences don't even focus on sexual orientation or behavior, offering instead illogical "proofs" of change. For example, in an article entitled "Showing Homosexuals A Way Out" and published in the conservative United Methodist magazine, *Good News,* reporter James Robb relates the testimony of a man who "was once a practicing homosexual. Now he's set up in ministry." How that man's change of career automatically proved any change in sexual orientation of behavior is never demonstrated. In another issue, *Good News* has printed the testimony of "A Former Homosexual," now a "musical evangelist." But a close reading of the testimony indicates that, however more musical he might have become, this "former" homosexual's homosexuality is continuing in the form of repeated homosexual temptations. Another evangelical magazine, *Message,* has published the "ex-gay" testimony of Tim Youngblood. He claims, "After accepting Christ I began changing." But *what* began changing? "The way I moved my hands and arms changed. Even my walk changed. My voice lowered. My laugh changed." He doesn't say that his desire for men changed. He doesnt' say that he now desires women instead of men, sexually. Youngboood advises other "ex-gay" men to "find a Spirit-filled man of God who is secure in his own self image ... You need someone to go to when thigns get difficult." How is this not a description of homosexual attraction? He warns the "ex-gay": "Allow yourself the freedom to fail. ...You're going to stumble." *Christian Life* magazine has published an article, entitled "I Was Delivered from Lesbianism," about Darlene Bogle. Now a "leader of singles" at an Assembly of God center, Bogle says that she was "demonically indwelt" by lesbianism but that when she "took authority over the spirits of homosexuality in the name of Jesus and served them their 'vacate-the-premises-immediately' papers they had to leave." Evidently, however, her lesbianism did not leave with the demons. She asks in the article: "Did all the struggles leave overnight? No." While at first "ex-gays" may make outlandishly false claims about their own "change" experiences, they almost always soon become more honest and modest in their claims. All of the early movements leaders who claimed to be personally "ex-gay" have now dropped out: Guy Charles of LIBERATION in Jesus Christ, Roger Grindstaff (also known as Roger Dean) of Disciples Only and a consulatant to Teen Challenge, John Evans of Love in Action, Jim Kasper and Mike Bussee of EXIT at Melodyland, Greg Reid of EAGLE, Rick Notch of Open Door, and many others. Alan Mediger, executive director of EXODUS, the "ex-gay" umbrella organization, acknowledges "that his group has had problems with ministry leaders who return to a gay lifestyle...and that when an ex-gay is trying to help a struggling homosexual, the temptation to fall is great." This "exodus" of "ex-gay" leaders does not, however, prevent some Christian publishers from continuing to distribute, and even advertise, these persons' previous testimonies of deliverance. Today, many of those who lead the "ex-gay" movement have never been homosexual (e.g., Leanne Payne, Robbi Kenney of Outpost, and Ron Highley of L.I.F.E.). And, apparently, those "ex-gay" persons who do continue to help lead the movement often still struggle with the conflict between their desire to purge themselves of homosexuality and their deep-felt need for same sex relationships of some sort. Andy Comiskey, founder of the "ex-gay" Desert Stream at John Wimber's Vineyard asks in its newsletter, "How do we ["ex-gays"] sort out sinful desires from legitimate needs for same-sex friendship?" He continues, "Perhaps we're fearful of falling hopelessly in love with another of the same sex. We detatch ourselves. On the other hand, we can rush unwisely into friendship and find ourselves enmeshed in an emotional and sexual death grip." COMISKEY'S CONCERNS have been a constant battle in the "ex-gay" movement, where the biggest worry at every "ex-gay" convention is that the 'ex-gays" will "fall" *during* the convention. As ex-"ex-gay" leader Rick Notch has put it, "You pick a prayer partner the first night of the convention, you pray with him the second night, and by the third night your prayers are answered." Don Baker, in his recent book, *Beyond Rejection: The Church, Homosexuality, and Hope,* acknowledges that even after a prescribed Bible-memorization program, "deliverance from homosexuality is a slow, agonizing process with the ever present fear of falling at any time" into protracted homosexual behavior. In short, leaders of the "ex-gay" movement seem to be scrambling to find any substantial proof of success in their efforts. For many, this has meant carefully defining (or redefining) very limited goals. A couple of years before "ex-gay" leader Greg Reid dropped out of sight, abandoning his EAGLE (Ex-Active-Gay-Liberated-Eternally) ministry, he admitted, "There have been many [ex-gay] failures... Ex-gay testimonies are touted before they are ready, many, in fact, don't even have a genuine call. ...Evangelicals and gay Christians alike are looking for a 'perfect record' -- and heterosexuality to boot. Ex-gays play right into that destructive game. The scriptural standard is NOT 'are they reoriented' or 'have they fallen.'" Robbi Kenney has issued the following directive to other remaining leaders in the movement: "Know what you are offering. ... You are NOT offering heterosexuality... [but] the power to come into celibacy." She even advised, "avoid calling them ex-gays." Nonetheless, with the same mailing, she sent out a brochure attacking the American Psychiatric Association's position on homosexuality and declaring across the cover of the brochure: "There IS an ex-gay reality!" For herself, the never-lesbian Kenney has long lamented her loneliness and her hopelessness about finding a husband in the "ex-gay" movement. She proves that "ex-gays" are not really new heterosexuals -- even when they marry heterosexually -- when she explains: "Being in ex-gay ministry often has meant that I've only met and fallen in love with men from gay backgrounds.... I finally asked God to bring a man into my life who could appreciate me as a woman." This past year, leaders of various "ex-gay" groups, including Love in Action, Homosexuals Anonymous, L.I.F.E. Ministries, and Mount Hope, conducted a winter conference in New York City. They repeatedly stressed that the "ex-gay" promise was *not* one of change from homosexual orientation to heterosexual orientation but rather one of either demanded celibacy or heterosexual marriage (which was recommended to be arranged by a third party and in which genital acts might or might not eventually be added to friendship with someone of the other sex). In summer 1985, EXODUS held its ninth convention. Of 54 conference participants polled, 23 preferred not to use a noun to describe someone "freed from homosexuality." Instead they said that such a person was "struggling with homosexuality" -- a "fallen angel." Phrases such as "set free" and "delivered" were said to be "theological terms [that] often misrepresented the process of change which most ministries teach." Ambiguous, nonsexual terms such as "new creation," "image of God," and "sanctified" were used to define what is meant by "being changed." To be "ex-gay," said Doug Houck, founder of the Christian Reformed-backed Metanoia Ministries, does not even mean "a complete elimination of homosexual behavior: homosexual contact, masturbation, buying/reading pornography, etc." But how was this convention covered in the evangelical press? According to a news feature in *Christianity Today,* there were at the convention "living testimonies that practicing homosexuals can become heterosexuals." Such backtracking from the editorial enlightenment shown three years ago at *Christianity Today* clearly points up the continuing ambivalence of evangelicals when faced with evidence they don't want to believe. Conservative Presbyterian Richard Lovelace has also displayed this ambivalence. Not long ago he repetedly referred to EXIT of Melodyland as the "ex-gay" organization that was "most successful in bringing persons out of the homosexual lifestyle." Now that the cofounders of EXIT have exited into "the homosexual lifestyle," however, he pushes Homosexuals Anonymous, calling the approach used by its leader, Colin Cook, "an authentic theological masterpiece...a jewel...a theological pearl...a silver bullet against evil." Interestingly, Lovelace neglects to mention that Cook is a Seventh-Day Adventist, a fact that many of his conservative Presbyterian readers might well dislike. At any rate, the "masterpiece" Cook is said to have produced is based on the idea that God accounts the "ex-gay" to be "heterosexual" even though "God knows" that he or she still is not heterosexual. According to Cook, the "ex-gay" must claim the belief that "God charges to your account all of Christ's...heterosexual wholeness." It's a "charge," not a "change." And so, of course, Cook must admit that the homosexual "feelings remain." But without any evidence or explanation, Cook suddenly announces on the last page: "In time, 80 to 90 percent of the strength of homosexual feelings will pass away." Where does he get these figures? And when will the "homosexual feelings... pass away"? When the homosexuals themselves pass away? Cook admits in a recent interview in the *Philadelphia Inquirer* that he has no records by which he can speak of "success levels." Indeed, in *Ministry*, a Seventh- Day Adventist publication, he says, "Many Christians, battling with a homosexual problem, hope one day in the vague future finally to arrive at heterosexuality by the gradual process of God's righteousness working within them as they have faith." But, according to Cook, this "is a wistful hope" and "Biblically false." The Cook approach "focuses itself on a wholeness, a righteousness (and hence a heterosexuality) outside of itself and in the person of Another, namely Jesus Christ. This wholeness and heterosexuality of Christ the homosexual accepts as his own." Cook says that this, then, "ends the search for heterosexuality within himself." he says that "ex-gays" must then praise God "for our new unseen identity." Such a "transformation" is hardly "a theological pearl...and a silver bullet." Rather it's junk jewelry and a blank. AS IS TRUE today of the older approach to "self-abuse," the "ex-gay' approach would be comical if it were not so tragic. In several more decades, the views of the Cooks and Lovelaces will be but amusing footnotes of a less enlightened generation. But those who, because of these unenlightened moralists, will have forfeited a rewarding intimacy for the true self-abuse of isolation, enforced celibcy, and even promiscuity will be beond the ability to enjoy God's earthy gift of sexual closeness. Whether male or female now, they will then be where, like the angels, they "neither marry nor are given in marriage." [END] Postscript, dated Winter 1987: NEW YORK: "Ex-gay" leader Colin Cook has been ousted for having sex with male counselees over the past six years. Investigation by Seventh-Day Adventist sociologist Ronald Lawson has uncovered evidence from 14 young men who complained of sexual pressures from Cook druing counseling sessions to become "ex-gay." The allegations were brought to the attention of Elder Neal Wilson, SDA President, in October. On November 19 the board of Cook's Quest Learning Center / Homosexuals Anonymous voted to accept Cook's November 3 resignation and to close Quest. However, it decided to continue HA, founded by Cook, though in a new location and with services limited primarily to mail and phone contact rather than face-to-face counseling. The Board urged "Instructing (HA) groups in how to help a person work through a sexual 'fall' within the context of the group." Cook says he is "coming to admit to a level of delusional thinking that I have let myself be deceived by." In a letter to supporters from HA coordinator Dan Roberts, it is explained that "The circumstances that brought Colin to the point of stepping down arose out of the knowledge of a series of episodes of sexual misconduct over the last six years. More specifically, it has been revealed that he has been sexually intimate with several male counselees during counseling sessions -- mostly nude massages, erotic hugging, and a few instances of mutual masturbation. Colin has admitted such behavior did take place." Roberts goes on to say that "Sexual slips or falls should be looked at seriously for they affect us all, but we do not have to let them destroy us.... we are finding that HA doesn't have any more sexual difficulties than other similar groups" in the "ex-gay" movement. In early 1985 both the president of Cook's board and officals of Exodus International, the "ex-gay" network, were aware of some of Cook's sexual behavior with counslees and at Exodus conventions. Robbi Kenney and Alan Medinger of Exodus flew to Pennsylvania to talk with Cook about it. Joann Hiley of the "ex-gay" L.I.F.E. group told Lawson "that the reason Exodus leaders have not been more outspoken about ... leniency within HA is because they are afraid the demise of HA could hurt them all, given Colin Cook's prominence in the movement." Hiley herself appeared on TV with Cook after his behavior was known within the movement. According to Lawson, "Colin told me that within other 'ex-gay' groups the same 'feelings' and sexual improprieties between leaders and counselees also occur, but that 'Quest is just more open' about it." This is, of course, consistent with reports from many former "ex-gay" leaders. Indeed, in a November 14 internal memo the Exodus board admitted that "sexual fall" has taken place even on the Exodus board and added: "We do not deny that leaders have fallen." The memo confirmed that "Exodus believes that overall [the charges against Cook] represent an accurate picture.... It is a serious blow to all of us." The memo asks: "How coud this happen?" and concludes that it was a case of "lack of accountability" within the movement. It goes on to claim, nonetheless, that "the Lord has brought us out of homosexuality... [even though] The road may be long and hard, and some of us may stumble." In 1985, Cook wrote *Homosexuality: An Open Door?* published by the SDA. The SDA, *Christianity Today*, and Richard Lovelace of Gordon-Conwell Seminary have been among Cook's most ardent promoters. The SDA financed Cook. *Christianity Today* ran ads for his seminars for "people who want freedom frm homosexuality...recovery... [and] healing" even though Cook repeatedly asserted that moving from homosexual desires to heterosexual desires is a "wistful hope." Cook insisted that "ex-gays" simply claim the heterosexuality of Christ for themselves while continuing to fight off homosexual temptations. Lovelace pushed Cook's approach as "the most developed and relable source of help for homosexuals that I have discovered" and called Cook's book "an authentic theological masterpiece...a jewel...a theological pearl...and a silver bullet against evil." Blair called it "junk jewelery and a blank." Conservative anti-gay Christians are not the only ones to give publicity to Cook and his "ex-gay" claims. Even after producers of *The Phil Donahue Show* were repeatedly alerted to the facts regarding Cook's sex with counselees, the show featuring him (with Hiley and Frank Worthen) was rebroadcast on December 19 and Cook's phone number flashed across the nation's television screens. Said one of Donahue's producers, with an eye to the entertainment value in programming decisions: "It's a good show." ### Dr. Ralph Blair, founder of Evangelicals Concerned, continues to monitor the "ex-gay" movement. His periodicals, *Record* and *Review* provide current information and developments about gay people, "ex-gays," supporters and antagonists within evangelicalism. His address is Dr. Ralph Blair Evangelicals Concerned 311 E. 72nd St. New York, NY 10021 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ABOUT EX-GAY MINISTRIES By David Williams [The following is excerpted from a larger study which I did in 1993-1994 on two tabloids passed out by a local right wing group during the 1993 primary and general election campaigns in Louisville to help defeat several candidates who had expressed a pro-gay viewpoint and/or had been endorsed by a local gay and lesbian PAC. Much of the information contained in these tabloids was based on the faulty research of Paul Cameron. For a complete copy of this report, send a $15 donation to: Williams-Nichols Institute, Inc., PO Box 4264, Louisville, KY 40204. Donations are fully tax-deductible. Permission to reprint, distribute, or use the following information in any positive way by any gay, lesbian, or bisexual group or any other group that is working to improve the general status of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, or the transgendered is hereby given]. Numbers in parentheses indicate endnotes, which are printed after the text. _______________ 8. REPARATIVE THERAPY Because conservative Christians believe that homosexuality is not predetermined through genetics or other causes beyond the control of the individual, it follows logically, then, that they believe is it malleable, "curable," or "reparable." Methods used to "treat" homosexuals for their "problem" have centered mainly around prayer and intensive psychological counseling, but some groups within the movement are now reportedly using more extreme means, such as hypnosis, powerful psychotic drugs, and radical deprogramming techniques to alter the development of homosexuality, especially in adolescents. (1) These religious-based groups, most of which appear on the surface to be well-meaning, believe that, by helping to save souls from certain damnation, they are carrying out the wishes of the founder of their religion, Jesus Christ (who was actually silent about homosexuality). One of the most prominent proponents of "reparative therapy," as it is called, is Rev. Lou Sheldon, head of the Traditional Values Coalition in Anaheim, California. Another is Dr. Charles W. Socarides. 8.1 THE MAY TABLOID In the May tabloid (page 2), Freedom's Heritage Forum (of Louisville, Kentucky) mentions a couple of such ministries: Exodus International, an umbrella organization founded in 1976 and headquartered in San Rafael, California, which the tabloid says has 110 groups under its wing; and Transformation Ex-Gay Ministry, a branch of Exodus International that was founded in 1988 by Anthony Falzarano, who the tabloid says is now a "family man." The May tabloid states that: "Anthony Falzarano's life is a daily rebuttal to the gay myth that homosexuals cannot change their 'orientation.' From a past that included male prostitution, he is now a family man who is helping to free others from homosexuality's powerful grip. "'Homosexuality is certainly not innate,' Anthony says. "It is a learned behavior.' He urges deep compassion toward homosexuals, but grieves over the 'gay' churches that affirm men and women in their homosexuality." It is instructive to note here the way in which homosexuality is described, as an enslaving force with a "powerful grip" from which people can be "freed." Anyone who has had any experience with any sexual urges of whatever nature can attest to the "powerful grip" the sex drive may have on men and women in general--especially during adolescence or early adulthood. This sometimes self-destructive force may lead individuals into bizarre and even violent sexual behavior, not caring to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. In its attempt to portray reparative therapists as simply concerned citizens, the tabloid uses such words as "compassion" and "grieves." There is little doubt that many individuals in this movement are sincere, but the psychological and physical damage often caused by these methods--especially if they fail--is well documented. But the tabloid's most misleading statement here is its characterization, as a "gay myth," claims that gays and lesbians cannot change. Such claims are supported by numerous heterosexual psychologists and psychiatrists as well. 8.2 EXODUS INTERNATIONAL In order to learn more about Exodus International and Transformation Ex- Gay Ministry, we wrote letters to both organizations asking five basic questions (2). A conscious attempt was made to word the questions in as impartial a manner as possible. We asked: 1. How many chapters are currently in operation today? When was your organization founded? 2. How many men and women go through your program each year? How many men and women have gone through your program since its founding? 3. What is your success rate? What is your failure rate? 4. Do you have any statistics on the number of people who may have returned to homosexuality after finishing your program? 5. Do you have any followup programs after a person has gone through your program? Transformation Ex-Gay Ministry (actually Transformation Christian Ministry, according to information supplied by Exodus International) did not respond, but Bob Davies, Executive Director of Exodus International, sent a packet of information detailing their program (3). Exodus International is a referral agency only, according to Davies. In November 1993, it listed 78 agencies in 35 states (not 110 "nationwide," as the May tabloid claims) (4). Two of these ministries are listed for Kentucky: CrossOver Ministries, founded by Bruce Grimsley in Lexington in 1985, and Pathway Ministries, directed by Martin Ward in south Louisville. Exodus International is clearly affiliated with the Protestant Christian belief system. In one of its pamphlets, "Exodus: A Way Out," it offers "Freedom from homosexuality, not through a method but a person, the Lord Jesus Christ!" It believes that only through total surrender to Christ can homosexuals hope to change into heterosexuals (although it does have special materials aimed at Catholics, Mormons, and others). It offers a huge selection of educational items, including videotapes as well as audiotapes, and provides lectures on request. It also publishes a quarterly newsletter, "The Standard." 8.3 EFFICACY OF THE EXODUS PROGRAM Interestingly, Davies had "no idea how many people go through counseling" but said that Exodus processes up to 600 requests for information each month. Presumably, our request was one of those. One of their local agencies, Love In Action, in San Rafael, California (north of San Francisco), estimates that they have processed over 30,000 requests for information since its inception in 1974. Davies guesses that all ministries nationwide have processed over 100,000 requests for information in the past 18 years (5). He provided no information on how many of these requests resulted in individuals signing up for their program. Davies also did not have an answer concerning the success rate. "Each agency would probably give you a different answer," he states. Love In Action, he said, "estimates that about half the men who complete their program remain out of homosexuality after five years." Davies made no mention of any followup programs. Here again, saying that they have remained "out of homosexuality" is not the same as saying they are now heterosexually involved: some of them may be celibate or impotent, or they may simply have given up sex with other members of the same gender but retain homosexual masturbatory fantasies. Without a lack of followup, success rates are difficult to ascertain. In fact, the efficacy of a "cure" has been called into question by many gays who have gone through the Exodus program. And gay activists note that Exodus' so-called success stories consist almost entirely of tormented homosexuals who have become celibate rather than heterosexual, according to Kalmansohn. 8.3.1 Michael Bussee and Gary Cooper Perhaps the most famous "former ex-gays" are Michael Bussee and Gary Cooper, who were instrumental in establishing Exodus International in 1976 (6). Both Bussee and Cooper, troubled by their homosexual feelings, became fervent Christians in 1971 while still in their late teens. They met and became friends while working for a counseling and referral line at the Melodyland Christian Center in Anaheim. Bussee, knowing what a struggle he'd had in dealing with his own homosexual feelings, grew worried when he heard operators of the center's hotline tell gay and lesbian callers that they were "possessed by demons." Requesting specific training for such calls, he learned that none existed. "I told them I was a Christian homosexual," Bussee says. They replied, "There's no such thing. If you trust God, all your homosexual desires will be replaced by heterosexual ones." Accepting this claim at face value, Bussee and Cooper soon became Melodyland's specialists in the conversion of homosexuals. In 1976, they helped found Exodus International. Ironically, however, the more they worked together, the more they found themselves falling in love. Their breaking point came simultaneously in the late 70s on a road trip, when they found themselves booked by chance into a hotel room with only one bed. They took this accident as a sign from God and eventually left Exodus in 1979. In 1982, they were married (7). Cooper died of AIDS nine years later. "The desires never go away," says Bussee, "the confrontations begin and the guilt gets worse and worse." Bussee recalls that some people who went through the Exodus program had breakdowns or committed suicide. "One man slashed his genitals with a razor and poured Drano on his wounds." Another man impulsively underwent an incomplete sex- change operation because he believed his sexual desires might receive divine approval were he biologically a woman (8). "After dealing with hundreds of people," Bussee concludes, he and his lover hadn't "met one who went from gay to straight. Even if you manage to alter someone's sexual behavior, you cannot change their true sexual orientation." "If you got them away from the Christian limelight," he concludes, "and asked them, 'Honestly now, are you saying that you are no longer homosexual and you are now heterosexually oriented?'...not one person said, 'Yes, I am actually now heterosexual.'" 8.3.2 John Paulk Another notable ex-gay is John Paulk, who served as the administrator of Love In Action for six years until late 1993, when he and his wife left to deal with unspecified personal problems. He was prominently featured as an "ex-drag queen" in a videotape produced by Lou Sheldon, "The Gay Agenda," which Paulk now repudiates (9). According to Paul, "The Gay Agenda" exaggerated statistics and indulged in many distortions and misrepresentations. Now, he seriously questions the statistical gathering methods and the person responsible for them. He was especially angry at the way he was portrayed. He feels that a few individuals are using American society's deep-seated homophobia for their own political and financial advantage. In a letter published in the Marin "Independent Journal" on November 27, 1993, he wrote that "Some Christians use the name of God to spread hatred [and] prejudice against gays and lesbians whoa re satisfied with their sexual identities." "We all have a right to believe whatever we want [including gays]," Paulk says today, "and every one of us...will have to answer to [our] God for the way we've handled things." Although he stops short of endorsing gay and lesbian civil rights, he does "defend homosexual people's right to live and work...and be treated fairly as citizens of the United States." Paul himself admits that he is still tempted. "I know my [gay] desires were not a choice. I didn't choose to be attracted to men." However, his marriage and his relationship with God have taken the place of most of his gay desires, he says. 8.3.3 Bruce Grimsley Bruce Grimsley is another "ex-ex-gay" who nevertheless harbors no ill will towards Exodus and other such groups. Believing that he, too, could change his sexual feelings, he founded CrossOver Ministries in Lexington in 1985 and had what he thought was a successful five- year ministry. But during its most successful period, he was secretly having homosexual contacts-- sometimes right after he had preached in church against them (10). Grimsley notes that while there are Exodus Catholics and Mormons, most are closeted gay evangelicals who never accepted their sexual feelings. "The one thread of continuity of these people is that they never lost ties to their evangelical backgrounds. They were never able to see themselves as anything other than wrong. Homosexuality as wrongness defines the minions of Exodus as much as the closet defines most people in the gay community." He does note one benefit of Exodus which he feels is lacking, overall, in the gay and lesbian community: the love, support, and caring. "When one hurts, the other hurts with him....In the gay community I've noticed a lot of selfishness." Yet Grimsley has no regrets about abandoning his ministry. "The greatest victory that I've ever experienced in my life was in the last year or two that I've accepted the fact that I have a gay orientation...the peace that I have that I don't have to fight!" 8.4 DEPROGRAMMING TECHNIQUES While most reparative ministries rely on psychological and religious therapies, more radical groups have arisen lately which are targeted especially towards adolescents. Shannon Minter, an attorney for the National Center for Lesbian Rights, has talked with some self-identified gay and lesbian adolescents who were locked up by psychiatrists for such "vaguely defined" problems as "gender identity disorder" and "borderline personality disorder." Once institutionalized, she says, they were subjected to treatments ranging from homophobic counseling, in which the youths are constantly told their homosexuality is abnormal and something they will outgrow, to drugging and hypnosis (11). Many of the males, Minter continues, were subjected to a penile plethysmograph, a ringlike device put around the penis and attached by wires to a computer to measure changes in arousal when they were shown erotic pictures. One boy was held down on a bed by adults who surrounded him and shouted homophobic phrases in an effort to upset him and force him to confront his anger. Gay and lesbian teens are often treated like members of a cult in need of deprogramming. Lyn Duff, a 17-year old lesbian now living in San Francisco, says she spent six months at an institution in Utah where her treatment consisted of isolation rooms, powerful psychiatric drugs, behavior therapy linking sex with the pits of hell, and punishment that included scrubbing floors with a toothbrush. She managed to escape and has since founded a group called Students and Teens Opposing Psychiatric Abuse Network (STOPAN). "People want to believe that the psychiatric abuse of minors doesn't happen," she says, "because if it does, they know they'll have to do something about it" (12). Disorder classifications can be abused, notes Dr. Rochelle Klinger, chairwoman of the APA's committee on gay, lesbian, and bisexual issues. And Dr. Richard Isay, professor of clinical psychiatry at Cornell Medical College and the author of "Being Homosexual," says that if such charges are true it is "poor practice, malpractice, and unethical." At present, however, there are virtually no laws in place that protect minors from being subjected to these kinds of therapies. 8.5 REACTION OF OTHERS Many reparative programs have been in existence since the 1970s, and as late as 1992 a new group of people in the psychiatric profession formed the National Association for Psychoanalytic Research and Therapy for Homosexuals. Several psychologists and psychiatrists continue to insist that they can change homosexuals into heterosexuals if a patient is strongly motivated. One psychologist, writing in 1971, reported that up to half of homosexuals "who enter treatment can anticipate effective personality reorganization and eventual ability to overcome the intrapsychic barriers which prevent them from advancing to a heterosexual orientation" (13). Others, including Drs. Glover, Gershman, and Socarides, have also noted varying degrees of success in their programs (14). But the APA, along with the American Psychiatric Association, has branded reparative therapy a hoax and has taken an official stand against it. Bryant Welch, a director of the APA, says that "efforts to 'repair' homosexuals are nothing more than social prejudice garbed in psychological accouterments" (15) According to the APA, people who voluntarily enter these programs are possibly doing so because of social bias "that has resulted in internalized homophobia." Others doubt the long-term benefits of such therapies. Dr. Klinger says that "there is no published scientific evidence supporting the efficacy of 'reparative therapy' as a treatment to change one's sexual orientation" (16). Dr. Richard Ammon, a clinical psychologist, agrees. In fact, he says, the inherent conflicts involved in such therapy can be severe enough to induce psychosis in some patients. Ammon accuses Lou Sheldon and his supporters of manipulating discredited data in order "to foist untested behavior modification techniques on innocent people" (17) "Exodus set their sights wrong," according to Robert Bray of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. "They present us as sick or deranged individuals that need to be changed to fit a heterosexual society. What should be changed is their intolerance of gays and lesbians." Exodus isn't outwardly homophobic, he says, but the homophobia is there nonetheless, beneath the surface. He calls it "homophobia with a happy face" (18). The APA has so far refrained from labeling such therapy unethical; a vocal minority of its membership has discouraged the group from doing so. But the APA continues to stand by its 1973 removal of homosexuality from its list of mental disorders, and Dr. Isay sees no movement within the APA to reinstate it (19). In 1988, Tineke Bodde asked several psychologists and psychiatrists, "Can lesbians and gays change their sexual orientation through therapy or other means?" (20) Their responses are reprinted below. Lee Ellis, Ph.D., Chairman of the Department of Sociology at Minot State University in North Dakota: It would be "...as difficult to make a homosexual prefer to sexually interact with a member of the opposite sex as to make a heterosexual prefer to sexually interact with a member of the same sex." Martin S. Weinberg, Ph.D., Professor of Sociology at Indiana University: "No." James D. Weinrich, Ph.D., a Sociobiologist: "A homosexual orientation, as I define it, is apparently rarely (possibly never) changed by therapy or other means." John Money, Ph.D., Director of the Psychohormonal Research Unit, Professor of Medical Psychology, and Professor of Pediatrics, Emeritus at the Johns Hopkins University and Hospital School of Medicine in Baltimore, Maryland: "...for those whose bisexual ratio is in the range of 60:40 to 50:50 to 40:60, it may be claimed that they can change--even without therapy." Alan T. Bell, Ph.D., Director of the Counseling and Psychology Department at Indiana University: "Lesbians and gays may...behave sexually in a heterosexual manner, but their basic orientation would be virtually unchanged." Richard Green, M.D., J.D., Psychiatrist at the University of California, Los Angeles, Medical Center: Some gay men "change behavior markedly, but fantasy minimally." Gilbert Herdt, Ph.D., Associate Professor in the Department of Behavioral Sciences at the University of Chicago: "There is virtually no evidence to suggest that lesbians or gays can reverse their orientation through normal therapeutic procedures." Evelyn Hooker, Ph.D.: "I know of no evidence that lesbians or gays can change their sexual orientation through therapy or any other means." Judd Marmor, M.D., University of California at Los Angeles: "A minority of gays and lesbians (usually with a bisexual capacity) can--if strongly enough motivated--learn (through therapy or other means) to suppress their homosexual behavior. But the inclination usually persists in dreams and/or fantasies." Richard C. Pillard, M.D., Director of the Family Studies Laboratory at Boston University School of Medicine: "...many individuals can modify an exclusive homo- or heterosexuality if they are motivated to do so....At the same time, no 'therapy' can currently claim to be able to permanently and reliably alter sexual orientation." June Machover Reinisch, Ph.D., Director of the Kinsey Institute: "Permanent change through therapy in the attraction and emotional components dictating with whom an individual falls in love is therefore not likely....This is evident from anthropological studies of natives in New Guinea whose boys regularly participate in homosexual acts from ages 6 through 19. (It is believed that without the daily ingestation of semen the boys will not become men and procreate). Despite this daily exposure to homosexual acts for 13 years, 99 percent of the boys never again practice homosexuality after age 19, when they are matched with a woman....We also know from studies of twin brothers reared apart that if one twin is gay, it is likely that the second twin will be gay as well (but that is not true for lesbians)." 8.6 COMMENTARY The main objection that most gays and lesbians have to such groups is twofold. First, few of them feel they ever had a choice in determining their sexual attractions. Most gays and lesbians had no significant homosexual models while growing up from which they could develop a healthy homosexual self- image, and the mass media overflows with heterosexual images. Churches continually stress that homosexuals face eternal hellfire if they engage in such behavior. Yet, despite all of these messages, a certain percent of each generation continues to develop homosexually--even among the most fervent fundamentalist Christian households. Secondly, gays and lesbians argue, even if it is assumed that homosexuals can change, they feel that the Declaration of Independent and the US Constitution guarantees them protection in their life choices--just as it does for heterosexuals. The Kentucky Gay and Lesbian Educational Center has no problem with those gays or lesbians who, for whatever reason, wish to attempt a VOLUNTARY change: that is their business, that is their choice, and they should not be hindered. But we are concerned about the kind of message that groups like Exodus is handing out, that homosexuality is shameful and that all homosexuals need to be changed for their own good. Shame seldom changes behavior patterns: it simply redirects it into other channels which are often self- destructive. This is where reparative therapy becomes a problem. Much as many blacks once felt compelled to "konk" their hair and act more like whites in order to gain acceptance from the white superculture, Exodus' main aim is to turn homosexuals into something they are not. This desire for conformity has taken many intrusive forms in American history, but none more insidious than the desire of fundamentalist Christian groups to make the rest of the country over into their own image. History shows us that no society has ever succeeded in such endeavors without severely damaging its own social structure in the end. The current anti-gay rights drive is no more likely to succeed than any other. _____________________ (1) Ingrid Ricks, "Mind Games," "The Advocate," No. 645, December 28, 1993, pp. 38-40. These techniques will be discussed later in this chapter. (2) Letters from the Kentucky Gay and Lesbian Educational Center (now the Williams- Nichols Institute, Inc.) dated November 10, 1993. (3) Letter from Bob Davies to David Williams dated December 17, 1993. (4) It also has seven ministries in three Canadian provinces as well as England, Australia, Singapore, and the Philippines. Concerning the actual number of ministries, one gay and lesbian film festival brochure reported that Exodus consists of "hundreds of ministries," but this seems to be an exaggeration ("New Movie Blasts Ex-Gay Ministry," "The Standard" (San Rafael, CA: Exodus International), Vol. 10, No. 3, p. 8). They may be counting some groups which are not in "referral status." Bruce Grimsley, founder of CrossOver Ministries in Lexington, Kentucky and now a "former ex-gay," explains that there are about 100 ministries in "referral status." He estimates that there are about 150 other groups, however, that are working towards that status, a process that takes two years (David DewBerry, "Exodus: The 'Ex-Gay Movement,'" "The Letter" (Louisville, Kentucky), Vol. 4, No. 7, July 13, 1993, pp. 9-10). The 18th Exodus convention held in 1993 in Wilmore, Kentucky, near Lexington, attracted 542 individuals. The authors of the May tabloid, written in 1992, may have counted some groups not yet in referral status, or they may simply have inflated the number in order to make the organization look larger (exaggerations are replete throughout the rest of the tabloid). It seems unlikely that Exodus would have lost 32 American ministries in the space of one year. Four years ago, David Kalmansohn claimed that Exodus had 62 ministries ("Former 'Ex-Gays' Denounce Homosexual 'Healing,'" "Frontiers" (Hollywood, California), March 2, 1990, p. 25). Exodus' own referral list shows 85 referral groups worldwide, or 23 more ministries than four years ago. This figure seems to be the most accurate. (5) Kalmansohn says in "Frontiers" that Exodus had "counseled" over 100,000 people by 1990, but this information seems to be erroneous. (6) Most of the following information about Bussee and Cooper comes from the article by Kalmansohn. (7) The marriage, as for all gay and lesbian unions at present, was not recognized by American law, of course. (8) "Ex-Gay Ministry Founders Recant," "Keeping in Touch" (The Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches), May 1990. (9) Information and quotes from Paulk are taken from Dennis Anderson, "'The Gay Agenda' Video Star Repudiates Sheldon's Tactics," "Bay Area Reporter," Vol. XXIII, No. 51, December 23, 1993, p. 5. (10) DewBerry, Ibid. All information and quotes about Grimsley were taken from this article. (11) Ricks, Ibid. (12) Ibid. (13) S. Hadden, "Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality," Vol. 5, 1971, pp. 90- 101. (14) E. Glover, "The Roots of Crime: Selected Papers on Psychoanalysis," Vol. 2 (London: Imago Publishing Company, 1960) says that "Psychotherapy appears to be unsuccessful in only a small number of patients of any age in whom a long habit is combined with...lack of desire to change." H. Gershman, "Psychopathology of Compulsive Homosexuality," "American Journal of Psychoanalysis," Vol. 17, 1957, pp. 58-77, told Socarides ("Homosexuality: Basic Concepts and Psychodynamics," "International Journal of Psychiatry," Vol. 10, March 1972, p. 124) that about 20% of his patients have been able to change from obligatory homosexuality to active heterosexual functioning as a result of combined individual and group therapy. Charles W. Socarides has long been an advocate of this kind of therapy. (15) Ricks, Ibid. (16) Ibid. (17) Kalmansohn, Ibid. (18) Ibid. (19) Ricks, Ibid. (20) Tineke Bodde, "Why Is My Child Gay?" (Washington, DC: Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc., 1988). This booklet is available from Louisville P- FLAG, PO Box 5002, Louisville, KY 40205; or from the Williams-Nichols Institute, Inc., PO Box 4264, Louisville, KY 40204.